Sometimes when people talk about creating boundaries, what they really mean is a wall. They want to create separate compartments and sections to hide areas of their lives. Healthy boundaries are more like fences. They aren't erected to keep people out permanently. They are created with both doors and locks so that the ebb and flow can be controlled. At times the door is left open while at other times it may be closed and possibly locked. Fences can be used to protect delicate flowers or to allow workmen to repair damaged pathways. They protect both those on the inside and those on the outside.
When working on recovery, it can be difficult to set up boundaries, especially if they are unfamiliar. While I may want to help others, be a good friend and prove how strong I am, without fences it is too easy to end up emotionally, physically & psychologically drained. When this happens I am unable to help anyone, including myself. My biggest fear is that my friends will see me as distant or, even worse, uncaring. This could not be further from the truth. I have learned though that if I don't start setting and enforcing boundaries I won't be able to support my friends and those I love at all.
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